Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
