used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
