apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
