do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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