literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
