i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
