I just threw up on my dentist
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
