I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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