Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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