We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
