I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I intend to get homeless drunk
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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