im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
