There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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