I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
