You don't have asthma, your pregnant
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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