she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
being pregnant is like rehab
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
