Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you will always have a special place in my vag
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
