Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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