I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
