Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
