There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
