If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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