Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
