A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
