put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
