I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
