it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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