The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
