so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
