Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize