Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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