I think my fart just growled at me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
