I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
send nudes
from the living room?
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