Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
