i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
