So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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