it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
