Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
