You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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