So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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