i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There's always time for handjobs
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sext me about skeletons
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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