Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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