The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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