So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
