you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
