Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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