I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
