watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
