This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
