were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
