Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
