Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
