Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize