I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
