Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
