Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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