Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize