What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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