im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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