Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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