My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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