some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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