batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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