your parents love me but you hate me
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
