her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
