pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
