He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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