the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
