Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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