This is not my ceiling
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
