she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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