So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
