come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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