So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
